K-57

Can True Balance be achieved?

I keep telling myself it's important to "find the balance point" where everything important receives equal attention. Today I'm convinced that balance can never be reached. At least not by me and especially not in a timely manor. Remember my post about messages being understood only over time? It's like that. If I knew then (when I was younger) what I know now.....
Let me explain.
I learned about myself today by watching my sister try to have conversations with visitors while her kids were playing in the room. It was not easy to do, especially with active kids in the room. I thought my sister was paying too much attention to her kids and thus lost a lot of the adult conversation she was trying to have when sister pushed brother (or similar). While thinking about this "imbalance" I was reminded of my past. I have previously seen my grandkids do the same things I saw today and none of their parents seemed to pay attention. I would jump in before anyone "got hurt" but I really don't think I stopped anything and it was just my worry that prompted me to intervene. My "balance" is not the same as the "relaxed" parents nor is it the same as the attentive parents. (Keep in mind that no kids were harmed at any time during this example.)
I don't think I paid enough of the right kind of attention to my own kids. I recently heard a transcript of a conversation I had with my ex-wife back before the divorce was even filed. This forced me to think back. I couldn't change fast enough to keep up with how fast my kids were growing up. By the time I figured one thing out, my kids were already on to another phase and I had to start learning again. Once I learned "everything", my kids were gone and living lives of their own.

I often complained "Why can't someone tell me how to do things so I can avoid some of the pitfalls of learning the 'hard way'?". Today, I thought about telling my sister some of the cool things that I know about kids growing up. That was just before sister yells at younger brother and mom jumps to attention...and my train of thought disappeared.

I learned today that true balance is an illusion. With only 24 hours in a day we each pay attention to what we can with the experience of what we know at the moment we choose to act. And just like that, things have changed again.

posted by Kev @ 12/20/2004 11:00:00 PM