How do we find our own Neverland?
I found the movie "
Finding Neverland" enjoyable and inspiring on many levels. This is the first movie I've seen that helps me understand what "under currents" means.
Below the level of the main story line, How
J M Barrie finds the inspiration for his play, were other ideas from
Allan Knee and
David Magee.
Writing for this blog has been difficult and finding topic inspiration has been just as difficult. Yet, when I post something I feel good about (usually after hours of painful thinking, editing and re-writing) it can be very rewarding on a personal level. I don't take (or have) the time to work on the right combination of ingredients to build a good story but I do have a better understanding of what others think about inspiration and story telling.
Inspiration, imagination, vision (the kind that helps you see what your eyes can't), perspiration and a few other important ingredients all combine to become something worth while. One scene explains this quite well.
The grandmother is scolding one of the boys with a gold handled umbrella in her hand. As we see the scene it's just that, yet the close-up shows the hook-like umbrella handle touching the boys chest. How many of us would have come out of that scene with an idea for a "Captain Hook" of a story as good as "Peter Pan"?
Happy Thanksgiving (or What's been happening this week)
...For the few of you in the USA.
I've been pretty busy lately and my PC melting has not helped.
On Saturday I worked the trails at Morris Bridge (regular trail workday). The hurricanes knocked over enough trees to take two sections of trails out of use. We opened those trails Saturday by creating bypasses around the downed trees. Later, I took my 'blog post' (BP) time to visit the lbs (Local Bike Shop) and ride the new Cannondale Prophet. Nice ride but what can you tell about an off-road bike while on pavement? (I was obsessed with replacing my existing bike)
Sunday was slow. I woke up to strange smells around my computer and noticed a small plastic
, slightly melted, toy sitting on the PC case! I guess that was my clue as to what might have happened during the night. So, the home PC is out of service for the next few days. I'll replace the power supply when I can.
Monday was fun after work. I spent my 'blog-post' time at the LBS making final arrangements for the new bike.... which I picked up on Tuesday and then spent my 'blog post' time learning about the new bike. I should have checked tire pressure too.
I left work Wednesday early to...have you guessed already?... For go for a bike ride. I spent my BP time recovering. Ok, sleeping. I can't remember the last time a bike beat me up so much. The tire pressure must be too high and perhaps the shock pressure is also too high. Even my heart rate was too high. I hit 90% of my max. 163 beats per minute and my "you better slow down right now buddy" alarm went off. Hurricanes. They kept me off the bike and I learned the new habit of not riding four times per week. I better change that soon.
Ok, great. You know what I DID this past week. Nice. Boring story. I bought a bike. Ok, so what? The emotional roller coaster I went through is the real story of this past week. Sorting out what is important and what isn't. What I CHOSE to do and what I thought was more important.
Any major purchase (anything over $150) causes all kinds of 'should I? / I better not' thoughts. Can't afford it. Need the exercise and need to feel confident on the bike. Better not spend any money just before the holidays. Maybe pay off my last bike first? What about birthdays? Saving money? Fixing the PC? OR..Living past fifty due to my great off-road exercise and enjoyment program?
I made a rash decision to buy the bike now. I didn't NEED to buy it now but at some point I chose to ride Thanksgiving on a new bike. Friday night I realized this was more important to me than anything else. I'll sort out the rest "later" (I always think that)
What's interesting to everyone (including me) is the fact that I have not yet been happy about the purchase. After all, I wanted a new bike. I wanted to be riding on a new bike today and by riding yesterday (and maybe later today) I'll have made my goal. It's a great bike but at what cost? I did learn that setting goals and constantly reviewing them can bring about just about anything you set your mind to.
While taking the bike home from the LBS I was listening to
Marketplace where the commentator was talking about how Americans do not save enough.
Always something. In fact? Food smells are in the air so I better go help.
Today, I'll be spending by BP time eating.. Enjoy!
Maybe I can define myself
I know. I can define myself by seeing how others attempt to define me. Can something like this really work?
You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.
Find out your color at Quiz Me!
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Ok, now! Stop laughing and tell me what 'color' you are! (click on the 'Comments' button below and Post a comment. Just be nice)
And the answer is?
No, I'm not asleep.
"Almost everyone, at some time or another, has been kept awake by the throb of the bass from party music next door. No matter how thick the walls are or how many pillows you bury your head in there is no escape from the low- frequency sound."
Like a cattle prod every time I tried to doze off that night, the slightest noise or twitch in the air handler snapped through my body like and electrical charge, causing me to arouse awake again. Apparently, not many people are as sensitive to the low frequency sounds as I am. However, they will be moving the sleep lab to another, larger, location "soon". Just not soon enough for an effective test of my situation. I'll know for sure on the 29th.
It's frustrating to not be able to determine, once and for all, exactly what is going on. I need to cheer myself up. So, instead of going back to Walt Disney World after my "moments of unresolved sleepiness", I went to the bike shop to start the process on selecting a new ride. We will see how that works out.
Testing, Testing. Am I asleep?
I'm on my way to a 24 hour test to determine what happens when I sleep. I've done this before but the results were inconclusive. Perhaps this time we will have a better idea of what's going on. I hope that equipment and procedures improvements will make things go smoothly.
Spaceship Earth at Night
Spaceship Earth
Originally uploaded by Kev.
I like the colors at night but the scale and the actual color range look better in person. 160 foot diameter and inside is a complete ride that transports you through the unniverse of communication.
I thought about it
While visiting Epcot yesterday I took this picture of the entrance to Mission Space.
When you attempt this ride make sure you always keep your eyes open and look straight forward at the monitor. I can still remember how my first ride felt (several months ago). This is a very intense ride and the strange feeling after stayed with me for days.
I did not stop to ride this today since I was on my way to Test Track. However, Test Track was too busy so it was skipped too.
I'm going to Walt Disney World!
Picture this: A voice inside your head. The upbeat "Super Bowl MVP: what are you going to do now?" voice.
Hey Kev, You've just missed the biggest weekend mountain bike event of the year! Not only that you missed your early Sunday morning 3 hour ride! What are you going to do now?
That's right! You guessed it. But that's what's so great about this place: the infinite choices we can make and all the possibilities to choose from.
You can read that anyway you like. I might even think about it as I pass the intense
Mission: Space on my way to the fun
Test Track. (Or will it be
Splash Mountain instead?)
Maybe? If we are both lucky, I'll see you there?
That was not fun. Don't do that ever again!
I used a program called
Xenu's Link Sleuth to check all the links on my blog. Note to self: Remember to exclude all "Delete Comments" links. Better yet, sign out of blogger BEFORE (not after) you check your site.
Sorry folks. All those cool comments now say "deleted by author". I'm going to complain to that "author" guy and see if he can not do that again. ;)
Another early morning Dream
I'm running again, trying to escape my pursuer which appears to me as someone I know. They are faster than me so I need be smarter in order to get out of this strange structure. There seems to be three or four stories with one tower extending up on each of the four corners. I must go up in order to get out. At the top of one of the towers will be something I can climb on to. I climb to the top of tower 1 and look out to my potential escape route but nothing is there. I expect something big to be there so I try to look at the other towers to see which tower I should climb next. I don't see anthing at tower 2 and realize another tower must the correct one. I start back down only to face that which is chasing after me. I don't have much time left to escape. I can feel that, and neither is there time to think or plan. I have to be fast. I take a shot at my potential captor with my leg and, in the only moment possible I kick hard with my foot and start pounding on his leg muscle with my fist.... This is the weird part as I seem to know this thing in front of me but I also know I need to slow it down. If I can make a leg muscle stop working for a few moments I have a chance to make it to one more tower.
The idea works. I head to the lower level and start running for tower 2, my only open route. I think I only have time for one more tower. But Which one? I remember something. While I was looking out from the first tower I could only see tower 2 to my left and I saw no escape near that tower. My vision to the other two towers to the right had been blocked so I knew it had to be one of those two towers. My lower level run headed toward tower 2 but I now knew my escape would only be further, at tower 3 or 4. While running I remember I could not see tower 3 but I could see the 'sky' to the left of it. Since I am looking for something big, I decided my destination should be tower 4. So when I reach tower 2, I turn toward tower 4 and run faster. I am right. I get there just as I run out of time, as my pursuer almost reaches me. I try to look at the sky...
I open my eyes and it's dark. I hear and feel nothing. I take a breath through my mouth and then through my nose. My nose starts to clear and air finally moves into my lungs. I hear a BOOM and realize my heart just started beating again. My ears start a low rumbling roar. I take deep breaths and try to move. I'm lying on my left side with my head in toward my arms like my upper body is wrapped in a ball. I try to roll over to my right. I look up at the clock over my head and the time is 3:54 am. A few more deep breaths. I get up, use the bathroom and sit down at the PC.
I wonder what I did (or ate) yesterday that caused this. The last time this happened was November 2nd. Will they be able to determine during the test next week if these 'events' are real or all just dreams?
Anyway, it's 4:48 am now and I'm going to push 'publish' and try to get some more sleep.
The end of an extremely busy work week
It's late and I'm ready to call it a week. I think a week's worth of things happened today alone. Come to think of it, just about every day this week was like that. Too much going on. Certainly NOT boring but perhaps not exciting enough to post details about here.
On the personal front I am working out details for a new mountain bike. I am considering the Cannondale Prophet.
We will see what happens next.
Things are cooling off and heating up
Sixty Five degrees outside (locally) and it's beautiful as the
temperatures cool. I have two bike rides lined up for Thursday
morning. That should make up for the lack of a night ride last night.
(I will miss the next Tuesday night ride as I will be busy.) Perfect
temperatures for mountain biking and they will not last. Soon it will
be time to bring out the cool weather gear (arm and leg warmers,
jackets, etc).
Sixty Five potential customers inside at the trade show this past
weekend has already generated plenty of new work. Things are heating
up further for the business. Just in time to try out the new model we
have been working on.
A Political Picture worth a Thousand Words
Where all voters 'go'.
(
taken from joe-ks)
Spending Sunday Inside on a Clearly Outside Day
The sky is clear and the air is cool, perfect conditions for a mountain bicycle ride. 22 miles at Trout Creek was the plan for today. Mostly flat, curvy trails. A blast. Well, I am in Orlando instead. The National Association of Realtors Show is going on this weekend. It started on Friday and will be over at 2 pm Monday (Eastern Time). I stand in a booth or walk the floor from open until close each day. There is plenty to learn but each glimpse of the outside draws my thoughts to the trails.
What else should I think about in my quiet moments?
Today is the Day I posted about Yesterday.
Well, actually that depends on when you are reading this message. It's yesterday as I write this but it's meant for tomorrow's today. (Not the today as I write this) Let me explain.
We all know that if today (the day you read this message) is AFTER November 6th then everything here is history or some form of 'yesterday' or some day(s) before "today". The Past.
If you are reading this message ON November 6th, 2004 then the topic makes sense because I posted this message yesterday*.
However, if you are reading this message on November 5th then maybe the topic should really be "Tomorrow is the Day I am posting about Today"
I predated this message to what will be tomorrow as I write this. I want to see what happens on the blog to know when messages show up. Since I will be away from my computer until late Monday night in my time zone, I wanted to post something ahead of time.
I like a good
paradox. I just can't think of a good example of one. Maybe the Sea Of Tranquility seen below can be considered a
Visual Paradox?
*
unless you are in a time zone where the date is ahead of Eastern Standard time and it's still the 5th here.
Today is the Tomorrow I was worried about Yesterday
I could not go back to sleep this morning without completing this message. I am beginning to feel
compelled and/or
obligated to post a message here every day. Yet, I do not like to write. I find it difficult and painful as I can never find the right words to explain myself, my thoughts or the current topic (whatever that topic might be). I want this blog to show who I am but the more time I spend trying to explain myself the more I realize how difficult that can be. Who I am is not who I think I am and even if I could explain who I think I am right now I would change and be something different.
I posted a political message yesterday and I hate talking politics (of ANY kind). To post that was a change for me. Still, I felt it was a lame post and wanted today's post to be better. So I spent over an hour (yesterday) searching the web for something to post about today. I took the holistic approach borrowed from
a random bloger and started hitting the "Next Blog" button. I would look for inspiration and then try the next blog. I found new blogs and old blogs but I didn't try to translate. I even found one of the
NaNoBlogMo blogs. I have too much work to do to write a book though. Some work things are slipping too. (I missed a PC board meeting and an important phone call last night) This blog is one of the last things I should be thinking about. I should be out there finishing that new project, signing up those names, preparing those reports, cleaning my bike, getting ready for the convention this weekend or any number of other things. Why am I so worried about posting that I would spend do much time looking for a topic? Sure, I find inspiration. I find amazing things looking through other blogs and I feel like I want to do that too. I want to define and focus my blog to create something people can read, share and comment on. Finding the actual topic is much harder. Explaining it is even harder.
Why is that?
(time to write, edit and publish: 1 hour and 4 minutes)
It must have worked
I heard today that a record number of votes were cast for the president.
I heard today that a record number of votes were cast against the president.
Listen to one story
here.
How did your
election predictors do?
Is your ballot box half-full or half-empty?
It's that time of 4 Years again.
If you are on this side of the bay Go Vote.
Fear of the unknown, even if it has a name
Obstructive Sleep Apnea. Sleep without air because of blockage. I have a sleep test scheduled for the 16th and 17th of this month. In 2001 we found 12 "episodes" per hour or a "mild case". After that, I used a BIPAP machine every night. However, I continued to have trouble, constantly fighting the machine. It wants to blow air in when I want to exhale or I want to breathe in when it's not pushing hard enough. Most often my nose or throat would be blocked and I would fight against myself. I would wake suddenly and realize I needed to turn over in order to use my other nostril or use my mouth to breathe. Hour long headaches in the morning turned to day long headaches.
Then came mountain biking. In a year I lost 30 pounds. I still had the same problems except different. It felt like my throat grew valves or something that fought harder against the machine. It was easier to breathe at night and the "episodes" didn't seem as bad. I stopped using the machine and noticed little difference from using the machine. I worked with the doctor and tried it without the machine for what is a year this month. The 'events' as I call them still happen, not every night though. The major ones happen about once or twice per month.
Just like the major event this morning at 2 am. I'm asleep and dreaming. I am with someone or some "thing" in a strange place. I don't recognize anything or any 'person' so my dream picks someone it feels like. (I don't see faces). In my dream something is wrong, I have to "get back". To where I don't know but I know I don't have much time. Something else dramatic happens: the "person" I am with takes something from my body. (During one dream a few years back, a hand reached into my head above my nose and pulled out what looked like a pair of dark rimmed eyeglasses with a second set of lenses attached. This didn't make sense since I could "see" this happening.) Anyway, I wake up and start breathing again. My hands would be asleep or my arms. Tonight it felt like my chest was asleep and I could feel everything come back as I drew in a big breaths....
This is NOT the kind of post that belongs here. This is NOT what I want on my blog. I want funny, silly, thoughtful, thought provoking, uplifting posts. You know the kind. However, I can't hide from one of my emerging reasons for working on this site: Who I Am. What makes me, well, ME.
Posting here is hard work. Some posts flow while others (most of them) are like breaking rocks. Trying to get the "sculpture" just right with a sledge hammer feels nearly impossible. Still. "Who I am" includes all my foibles, weaknesses and infirmities. I hate showing this side of me but here I am. Me.
In August the doctor performed a procedure to reduce the turbinates in my nose. It helped. I can now breathe more easily through my nose with MUCH less stuffiness. In fact, maybe TOO much the other way. Months later I still can't drink enough water. Now my mouth is always too dry and my throat sometimes sticks closed. (it did that before) I drink water just before bed (even though many specialists say don't drink anything an hour before bed). I use a cool humidifier and a nasal saline spray. All those things didn't prevent this tonight: with less than an hour and a half of going to bed last night I woke up to take a breath to start my body working again.
That's what it felt like. Each time a "major" event happens it's always something different, something less, worse than the last one. Scarier. In the late 90's I would wake up in the middle of the night and my heart rate would be 120. 2 years ago I could count the beats by feel or hear them in my ears. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. 5 beats. A year later 3 extra Beats before settling back to normal. Now I don't hear or feel any extra beats, I just sense feelings flowing back in my arms and legs. Tonight was the first time I sensed that in my chest.
OK, I am going back to bed now (an hour later). I still need my sleep. The two glasses of water and aspirin I've had while writing this will help make the rest of the night go alright.
I'm sorry if this is one of the first posts you have read here. It's too long, poorly edited, very personal and hasn't ended on a positive note. I didn't want to write this but it's me too. Just like Spider-Man I have my weaknesses and the only 'rocks' I broke with this post were stopping me from exposing another real part of me.
I love this place (earth). I love every minute I'm here, even the harder ones. This is one of those. I need to come to terms with my own mortality. I do not expect to be alive in 100 years but I do hope to make it past next week. We all know the chances it will be some time between today and 100 years. I have a lot more to learn and I want to spend more than 60 years learning what I can. This life can be so beautiful.
Wow, I wonder how many years of posts this blog can handle?
Good News, Bad News. Bootstraps.
Depends on how you look at it and, maybe,
when you look at it. "Your marriage is over" for example. During the moments 'it' happens it's almost always sad. I'm talking emotional or physical here, not about the legal details (yet). During this time no good news at all, everything seems to be bad news. The one person you entrusted with everything in your life let you down, or worse. You might try to make things right again or you may know right away there is no hope of things ever being right ever again. Suddenly, everything has changed. You feel lost, broken or aimless. Self-confidence has taken a blow. Each new day brings a new set of problems that we choose to act on to correct or just totally ignore. What we each do is determined by who we are.
however, You find a way to move forward, by self-action or passive non-action, floating in the wake of others' efforts. Either way, when you get to the legal details things get dirty. Maybe just dusty or maybe really, really dirty. Things change. A process begins. Not everything seems so bad but still much is difficult. Then the legal action begins and things move too slowly, too fast.. too slowly. The work through this process gives your self-confidence a much needed boost. You might not know it at the time though. Soon it's over, legally and then it's ALL good news. A new person is born, just like (but not quite) a phoenix rising out of the ashes of an old life. In computer terms this is a "re-boot" or, more correctly, lifting yourself up by your bootstraps. Starting a new life.
Years later there may be times when it's bad news again or maybe good news all the time. Either way, you look at the person you are today and the person you will be tomorrow is shaped by the experience. The Good News will ALWAYS be that you are a much better person now than you ever were 'before'.
Enjoy and discover the new you!
